haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
