Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
