dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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