summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
