My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize