we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
