people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
