I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
