I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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