why didn't you poke me back
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
