I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
