I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
