Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
