Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
no, he came in my armpit
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
