Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
