Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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