here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
