So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
