My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
