Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
