i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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