He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Still dying that you shit outside
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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