He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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