i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
