so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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