wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
