Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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