you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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