it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
