Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
