he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Text me some of your sweat
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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