Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

I am going to give you the keys to my place

(1-561): View more from Florida

Then I'll give you the keys to my heart

(561): View more from Florida

Gag me

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(702): View more from Nevada

the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.

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(650): View more from California

I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets

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(443): View more from Maryland

Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore

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(207): View more from Maine

we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?

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(778): View more from British Columbia

She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.

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(410): View more from Maryland

Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i had to flash a cab last night.

(415): View more from California

did it work?

(609): View more from New Jersey

No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.

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