He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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