Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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