You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize