PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
