that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I faked an abortion last night.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
