i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I can't put those talents on a resume
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
