Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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