These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
