I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
