Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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