i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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