It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize