I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
