My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i think im in europe. pls send help
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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