I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
