He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
