i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
