You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
