OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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