Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
