I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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