I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
