tonight lets celebrate not being married
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize