why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
