i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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