Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
