you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
