I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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