The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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