So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
