i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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