It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
