Duck Duck Cougar?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
