I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you had me at cake vodka
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
