is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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