it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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