My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
