i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
