So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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