I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
