are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize