I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
