the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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