i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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