I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
