Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
