I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
