What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
