i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
