so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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