1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
