It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
