she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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