That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
