u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize