I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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