no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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