I'm laying in your front yard are you home
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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