The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
