So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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