Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
