i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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