Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
