i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
