he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
stop calling my apartment porn island.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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