Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
