what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
