OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
