Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
