Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
