As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
