Swine flu. Run for my life!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
