this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
