Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
