remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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